allthesame2me | [Video]

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[Alex had been as surprised as the rest of his party to hear that they'd been in the tunnels for nearly a months' time when it had only felt like a few hours while they were walking around in them.

It really shouldn't have surprised him that such a thing was possible, all things considered.

As it is, sine the Keep seems to be currently without a chef, he's been keeping himself busy in the kitchen. He's got his laptop plugged into one of the only outlets in the Keep and though he can't get online at all, it gives him full access to his iTunes collection; which is currently playing in the background.]

So .. I would recommend not trampling around in the tunnels beneath the Keep unless you're ready for a whole time flux .. thing. We were gone for what we thought was just a few hours, and apparently, according to all of you and .. well .. reality .. We were gone for nearly an entire month.

We miss anything of interest?

[All the while talking, Alex looks to be preparing something in the kitchen. His hair is pulled back into an intricate braid and he's got on an old fashioned apron.]

Have the staff shown up again, or are they still missing? Joe, specifically ..

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[And the video clicks on. It's just Anders. In his room, with a book or two. Nothing special here.]

It was concerning, honestly. First the elf vanishes, then Hawke, and... well, you. It was a disturbing trend.

[He makes a face.]

Oh, good. Another pirate. I look forward to the copious treatments for bed-borne disease.

[He shrugs, and drops his gaze.]

So I've heard.

[Ahh, and there he is. Alex won't deny that actually seeing Anders is better than just speaking with him, because it would be a flat out lie. He likes the man and things have been undeniably .. awkward .. since their evening together.]

I've seen no other sign of your friend since his disappearance, and I'm sorry for it. Perhaps he'll still turn up though, you know? I know positive notions are a bit hard to come by around here, but he still might ..

[And then a bemused snort and his lips quirk a bit at the bit added toward the end.]

I've read about much the same, but this one at least looks fairly clean .. mostly.

[He won't question if Anders knows this from more personal reasons than word of mouth. His past affairs have nothing to do with Alex and Alex would be the absolute last person to judge someone for the past. After a moment, learning what he had from Nieta and sealing the entry, he speaks again.]

How have you been, Anders? You're like a ghost around here ..

[The awkwardness is entirely Justice's fault. Anders would have been perfectly fine with things... but the Spirit feels otherwise. And what Justice feels, so too does the mage.]

Which friend? Hawke? He's returned, as cavalier as ever. It's almost a relief to hear his smart comments again.

[He scoffs.]

So did Isabella. Until she waltzed into my clinic -- emphasis on waltzed -- looking for a quick cure.

[Sleep with Isabella? Not no way, not no how. He'd like to keep his manhood from rotting off.]

Ah... hah. Funny you should put it that way.

[Justice, why you gotta bring my man down? Alex is actually smiling a bit as Anders comments about Hawke, his lips quirked.]

Hawke .. the big fellow with the beard, right? Like's to give his opinion in the most smart assed manner possible? [He grins, amusement in his gaze.] He's certainly a good one to have at your back in a time of need, at any rate. [Indeed, the man had been quick of mind and foot when the crocodiles had made themselves known.

Then a laugh.]

Was Isabella one of your party, then? [Because he cannot possibly imagine this being the Isabella that the Keep has come to know and love. The angelic girl would faint at even the suggestion..

His expression softens a bit and his head tilts slightly to one side.]

Does Justice allow you to drink, Anders?

Unless he has another brother... yes, that would be Hawke.

[He glances down.]

He's one of the few friends I'd had in Kirkwall. No matter what happened, you could count on Hawke to see it through to the end.

[Which makes him wonder how his friend would have handled the explosion in his own time. Hawke hadn't heard of it, here, until Anders had told him.]

[He nods.]

An... interesting woman. A pirate or sorts. Who seemed to disdain the wearing of pants for all she tried to get into them.

[And he's examining the far wall, as if it has the mystery of life engraved on it or something.]

Hah! Not in the slightest. It's as if he knows that vast amounts of alcohol could drown him out for a while.

[Alex grins and chuckles softly, shaking his head.] I'm fine with just one, thanks.

[He listens with a slight tilt of his head, expression softening as Anders speaks of Hawke. The fondness in his tone was undeniable, however much he might try to cover it.]

He was a big help down below .. things could've gotten hairy if he hadn't kept his head on straight.

[Alex can't help the bark of laughter at the description.]

Well, pants are a bit over-rated .. the laws of decency that make everyone tromp around in so many layers .. [He tssks softly and shakes his head, though he is clearly teasing.

He watches the other man look away, studying his profile as he's given the chance to. Oh Anders, you're breaking hearts and you don't even know it. He chuckles softly in response, although he is shaking his head.]

And he's with you all the time? Save for the respite you had at the festival?

He does have a sister, though. Quite a decent girl, when I knew her.

[Hawke was only a friend, though -- not that Anders can find any fault in having a friend. That would be stupid.]

The entire city of Kirkwall would agree with you.

[He just rolls his eyes.]

There is such a thing as tasteful nudity. A lengthy shirt and too-tall boots aren't that.

[This is just so awkward. He hadn't intended it to be -- but, here it is, a pile of awkward anyway.]

Justice... and I... are one person. I hear his thoughts, and I can't hardly tell if they're my own or not. But there are still some things I know are his.

He does not... approve... of any pursuit outside of our ultimate goal. Distractions are to be avoided.

[He doesn't sound happy about that, though.]

[Alex listens as Anders speaks, falling silent as the other mans' tone becomes serious and unhappy. He watches the other man through the pages of the journal, leaning against the counter of the kitchen and giving the mage his full attention.

It's fascinating in it's own way, as much as it is frustrating.]

Do all the mages of your world have the same connection to Justice that you do, or is it yours alone?

[See that Anders? Alex is neither shocked nor appalled as he tries to learn more about you and this connection you have to Justice. He actually chuckles softly at the last, not taking it personally that Justice feels that way.]

Well if his intent is to make you stronger through your focus to him and his goals, it isn't terribly surprising that he would wish you to keep focused on said goals.

[Of all the things he's learned of Anders in their time here, he can tell the mage isn't thrilled about some of the arrangement he shares with his entity.]

... No. It's only us -- me. However you want to put it, there are no others.

[He'd have to actually be looking at the video feed to notice that. As it stands, he simply keeps looking at the wall. It's easier that way.]

I want nothing more than the freedom and equal rights of mages... but... I'm only a man. There are other things I want... as well.

[Alex notes that Anders seems determined to look everyed except at him. He listens as the mage explains his singular connection to Justice, finding it both fascinating and sad at the same time. That Anders was forced to surrender anything he might want in life save the things that Justice deemed worthy .. well .. sucked. It sucked a whole damn lot.]

Anders .. sweetheart, look at me.

[And he'll wait until the man does before continuing, even if it means a stretch of several minutes. He's a cat in many ways, Anders .. he can out wait you. There is no judgment in his blue-green gaze as he looks upon the mage.]

Your fight is a good one, and a worthy one. Mages of your world do deserve freedom and equal rights. Believe me, I understand that more than most. [He was, after all, facing quite the similar problem of equal rights for supernaturals on his own world.]

But that you have to wait until the Keep removes your abilities before you can actually breathe and be just a man .. That's a test that only the strongest of men could manage. But if that's how it has to be, then you can expect to find me waiting whenever it happens; and not straying far even when Justice decides I'm hanging around to much.

[His lips quirk into a smile.]

I can't possibly let Justice get bored .. what's life without a little temptation, hmm?

[It does take several minutes for him to work up courage to do so.]

How can you say that? You barely know anything about me... you don't know what you'd be getting into. Other mages may not be dangerous -- but I... with Justice in my head, I'm not safe.

There are so many better options -- so many better men.

I'm an apostate with no future and an angry spirit living in his body. One who's bound to end up dead if he returns home again.

[Alex's smile is soft and there is a wisdom in those eyes that is well older than his twenty years.]

Anders, you've not only seen, but experienced first hand what I'm capable of. And that's not a once in a lifetime thing .. it's every month. Every single month I put others at risk with my shifting. [His head tilts slightly.] And yet you still helped me. As dangerous as I am, you still went out of your own way to heal me and make sure I was alright.

Even after I hurt you.

[He shakes his head slightly, but that half smile seems ever present on his lips.]

You don't get to choose if there are better options, Anders. If you don't see yourself in the same light I see you, then it's going to be my job to get you to; my job to show you that you're a wonderful option.

If the spirit chose you or you chose the spirit .. I don't really give a damn. You can have any future you want, but it might mean working a bit harder for it. There are no definites, no decisions already made for us; not anymore. [He gestures around, as if to include the Keep at large.] This place has made that all to clear.

Whether you like it or not, you're stuck with me for the length of your time here; and if going back means you're going to wind up dead, then you'll have an additional party member joining you, cause like hell it's going to be that easy.

Because it wasn't fair! It wasn't your fault, and they were punishing you. It was out of your control.

There was no justice in what they were doing --

[Oops. Time to catch himself.]

Bloody...

[For someone who's a self-confessed cat person, who's shunned even Hawke's pet, Anders sure does a good impression of a kicked puppy.]

No. I can't. No matter how hard I work, Justice will always be there. Mages will always be persecuted. I will never be a part of the Circle.

... I will always be the mage who destroyed Kirkwall's chantry, and killed the Grand Cleric. None of that can be changed.

[He puts a hand to his face.]

I don't know why you'd even want to bother. There... isn't as many redeeming factors as you seem to see.

[Alex listens and watches, seeing that flash of light in Anders' eyes as he begins to get himself worked up over it. However, he's not scared of Justice, as much as the being might like him to be.

Instead he remains silent, he gaze neither frightened nor fearful. If anything, there is a certain noticeable stubborn set to his jaw as he folds his arms across his chest.]

Then he will always be there, but that will hardly deter me from doing the same.

[He smiles then, the expression soft as he shakes his head.]

Anders .. sweetheart, we've all done things that we regret, but can't undo. Every last one of us; anyone that says otherwise is lying to themselves. We can't change the past, so far as I've learned, and I don't think there's any reason to change the past. The past is for learning and growing from .. To go back and change those events would take away from the reason they were done and the meaning behind the deaths that took place. No, it's not pretty, but neither is it something that you need to let fester for the rest of your life.

[He watches the mage as he covers his face, a soft sigh slipping past his lips as he looks at him fondly.]

Perhaps because I think you are worth it, Anders .. Maybe what you need is someone that sees that worth. [His lips quirk slightly.] Even if I have to beat you over the head with it on occasion.

You should be... I... No. It isn't that I want you, or anyone, to be deterred. But... it's so much safer. You don't have any idea what I'm capable of. What Justice is capable of. You haven't seen it.

[Nearly slaughtering that poor girl -- the Chantry -- a fellow Grey Warden. Death and destruction follow him now. He may as well make use of it, and turn it against the Templars. But if they're not here, it's innocent people who are going to suffer.]

Learning... generally implies we can move past what happened, and not repeat it. I don't have that option. Not anymore. I can always lose control, lash out... my friends are at risk just by association. Anyone who's more than a friend...

[And the thought of harming his friends alone is horrifying. To harm someone he cared for, in that way...]

[He doesn't lift his head. Maybe even responding to this message was a bad idea.]

You're putting yourself needlessly at risk... for a 'worth' that may not even exist.

[Alex's voice is soft and the irony of the situation isn't lost on the young man. He hadn't expected to fall for anyone here at the Keep and the fact that he was willing to fight so hard for this surprised even him. He wasn't sure what it was about the Mage exactly that called to him, but the fact of the matter was that he did and that was more than enough for the leopard. Call him a hopeless romantic, but he really was a fond belieer that anything worth having was worth fighting for.]

No. No I haven't seen, Anders; and I'm not trying to say that it's any less horrible than you're telling me it is when Justice doesact.

[He listens silently for a moment]

As for it being safer and being concerned for what could happen .. [His head tilts slightly.] .. Would it be safer for me to stay away from everyone on the argument that something could or might happen? After all, there is always the risk that I could infect someone here, isn't there? [He isn't even sure that infection would work here anyway, but that wasn't his argument. Just because someone wasn't infected the first time, doesn't mean that there won't be someone suceptible at some time.]

[Oh Anders, Alex feels very much the same way. He looks strained as he continues, his voice soft.]

I can't imagine if I ever lost control of my leopard at a time where I couldn't stop myself. Even here, where people seem to come back from the dead .. what if that isn't always the case? It's a fear that always lingering at the edge of my thoughts, even if I play the big brave boy. But .. I don't believe anyone should have to make themself a social pariah because of something that might happen.

[He laughs then, softly, and despite the situation and the turn the conversation has taken, there is amusement within it.]

Anders, everyday is a risk. Every single day.. but more often than not, it's a risk worth taking.

Edited 2011-08-18 15:11 (UTC)

... Infect?

[That's something he hadn't heard before. The other man didn't seem sick. He seemed perfectly healthy. And Anders certainly hadn't caught anything.]

[But if there's something to what he's saying, then...]

[It's too much to hope for. Isn't it? That there's someone out there who could understand. And cope with every strange thing he throws their way? Someone who, despite all that, wants to stand by him?]

[This isn't Kirkwall. There aren't any templars hunting apostates here.]

... You're serious, about all this?

[Alex gives a half nod to the singularly voiced question.]

Lycanthropy is a virus on my world. I'm pretty sure the only thing that saved people here was that we've been yanked to another world and things don't work the same. Just because I got lucky this time doesn't mean I always will.

[Then his soberness breaks, a smile tugs at the corners of his lips once again, and he nods.]

Serious as a heart attack .. possibly even more so.

... Virus. A disease. I've been able to heal diseases before.

[With Justice's help. Spirit Healers can do wonders back in Thedas. Even bring back the dead on occasion. Here... he's not sure how strong he'd be. But the statement still stands. With all its implications.]

Those are quite serious things. The... most serious. I'd say.

[There's a moment after Anders says the first, that Alex simply stares at him; completely at a loss for words. He'd never once considered that someone might be able to heal him of the virus that had taken over his body. He runs his tongue over his to wet them, and tucks a small section of hair that's escaped his braid back behind his ear. After a pause he speaks again.]

I'd honestly never even considered the possibility before .. it's not curable back home. I've been through nearly four years of shifting and becoming accustomed to everything the lycanthropy brings with it. I'd never thought that there could maybe be another option .. [He exhales in a soft whistle, chewing on the inside of his cheek.] There's pros and cons, you know? [Another moment of silence and then his blue-green gaze focuses on Anders once more and he's smiling again.] I tend to think life only gives you as much as you can handle, both good and bad. I think right now I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and I am what I am for a very specific reason. No, every day isnt fun and yes i have to be careful when I'm around people, but life was never made out to be fair or easy.

[His gaze is warm and his tone is clearly touched and grateful.] Maybe some day, but for now I think I'm okay .. even taking into account my monthly issue. You've given me an option I've never dared even hope for, Anders. [His lips quirk into a grin and he gives half a shrug.] maybe I'm being dumb for declining that option right now and hell, I might regret it at some point .. but I never even had that choice until now. Could I perhaps rain check you, should circumstances change?

[And maybe they never would. But if they did it would be nice to finally have a choice. Maybe it would fail in a glorious ball of flames, but maybe it wouldn't. Life had a way of twisting and turning at the strangest moments.]

[Then his expression sobers, though the warmth at no time leaves his gaze.]

Oh, the absolute most serious, I should say.

I'm not sure if I could, here. My magic isn't... quite what it is at home. Something is holding it back. It's as if it's being... blocked. Just repairing broken bones took far more effort than it should have.

[He rubs at his temples, taking a breath.]

But... I can try. Should you ever decide you'd like to. I'll certainly try as best I can.

[Granted, it'd probably knock him out for a good few days, if it's as serious as Alex implies it is. However, he doesn't see the need to mention that.]

[He keeps his eyes averted, like he's still trying to work this out.]

So, I... now... what?

[Alex ponders this for a moment, nodding slightly.]

I wouldn't be terribly surprised .. On my world I have healing abilities that should have kicked in during my punishment. I should have been fine, save for where the silver was touching. I wasn't though .. my healing wasn't only weakened, but seems to have been removed entirely. I'm healing at a normal human rate. [If Anders had been looking, he might have seen Alex absently run his fingers over the scarring that wrapped his wrists. Had his healing abilities been working, there would be no scars at all.

He then smiles softly as Anders offers to help him, despite the fact that it might be difficult and prove not to work at all.

And yes, it might be best to keep that tidbit of information to yourself if you ever want him to let you go anywhere.

Anders voice is softer, but Alex has no problem picking up his words, even with the Mage looking studiously elsewhere.]

Well, now you don't need to be afraid of looking at me, for one.. and you shouldn't try to avoid me. [There is not a trace of anger or annoyance in his tone, only a soft teasing lilt that is accompanied by a gentle smile.] Now you know that you can call me if you're in need of anything and I can do the same for you.

We spend time together .. I'll likely cook for you, because you're in need of some good home cooking, I think. [His smile turns into a grin with a flash of canines.] I'll pamper you and spoil you right properly, likely annoying Justice in the process, but .. [He shrugs a bit, still grinning.] I'm charming .. I think he'll forgive me.

Healing? Another magic of yours?

[Because, yes, part of him is still convinced the other is some kind of alternate universe mage or something.]

I... could look at those. I'm not certain what I can do for scarring, though. The people in Darktown were more concerned with simply surviving than they were scars.

[But, again, he'll try. He's a healer, he can't help but want to fix people.]

[He glances up, with a trace of a smile. This is a phenomenally bad decision -- although that's probably Justice's raging. He can't tell. Not anymore, and that's why it's such a bad idea.]

I wasn't trying to avoid... anything. You were in those tunnels for a month.

[That's not all, Anders, don't be dumb.]

It... isn't necessary. The spoiling. I'm perfectly all right. I wouldn't know what to do with anything like that.

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Video [Sealed] for the rest of time - Sorry for the delay, darling.

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